Prof. Zootinsky - Good evening ladies and gentleman and thank-you for coming to the archeological site. Please watch your feet that you don’t step on the bones of the Ankleosauraus, the Apatasauraus, the Baronix, the Compsgnathus the Lambiosauraus, the Myosera the Parasurofalus The Plesiosauraus my personal favorite the Ranfarenkeous the Sizemasauraus the Stegasauras or the Velociraptor. Please listen to our special guest Richard Dawkins as pardon the pun he has the most bone chilling discovery,…hmmm

Prof. Dawkins - We have searched through the fossil records…excuse me…fossil recooords. And found that cavemen did indeed make music. WE have brought their music up to modern production standards. This is a fossilized song…

Cavemen -- Blaaa Blaaa Blaaa Blaaa BLaaaaa Blaaaaaa…..yom yom….its a yom yom. Blaaa Blaaa Blaaa Blaaa BLaaaaa Blaaaaaa…..yom yom….its a yom yom…WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Part 2 The Birth of Life

Mark – This is the story of evolution!!! 1 Billion B.C. a volcano erupted and created life, from a single cell we evolved into the beings known as homo sapiens…and soon we shall evolve into GODS.

Gooble Gobble Gooble Gobble Gooble Gobble Gooble Gobble….GODS!!!

The Real Richard Dawkins – The Darwinian explanation, which is so stunningly elegant and powerful. You realize you don’t need any kind of supernatural force to explain it.

Matt –

Evolve into Gods!!!!
Feeling summer upon my skin the sun fuels evolution
Feeling summer upon my skin the son fools evolution

Zutes –

Progress…. Upright Walking….Faster…More Powerful More Agile…less wisdom teeth…improved intelligence (noises)…..interspecies relationships, telekinesis, more aquatic breathe ability….Gills (GILLS)….Fins (FINS)…Kevin Fucking Costner


Part 3 The Rise of Man

Early Man -

Yea life is good in the Garden of Eden
I walk around on my own two feet
Picking Fruit…Drinking Juice
I’m my own man I do what I Want
And I fuck who I fuck
I’m gonna eat all your motherfucking fruit

The First Authority -

Hold it right there…that is not how we eat fruit.
Follow my commands and learn how to properly eat fruit
And remember Give me money

Historian -

They Hi-jack the information highway
They Will destroy all the books
And replace evolution with SATAN
This is how religion really works

Oh no Im falling!!!!!!!
Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Be calm my son you are not falling
You will worship the God of
Da dipida doom badapadoom
You will say his name over and over in a mantra
Until he appears for you and brings you gifts
You will then dance with Da dipida doom badapadoom

Say his name

Dipida Doom Badapa doom, Dipida Doom Badapa doom, Dipi dipi dipida doom badapadoom, Dipida Doom BadapaDipi dipi dipi (x2)

I am Da Dipida Doom Badapadoom
Why have you awakened me from my slumber?
Oh let me guess You want me to bring you gifts.
If it is the material lifestyle you desire then you seek the path of SATAN

The Duality of Satan
Is he’s one with information
Does he corrupt or teach the truth
Will he love or butt-fuck you
(Oh my god might be Satan)

From the spiritual experience we move on to the emotional experience
We present genus and phylum: Emoticus Sliticus Bleedicus

My heart was waiting for you
My soul was as black as the moon (like a lunar eclipse)
And everywhere I go
My heart still roams
So you won’t lead me down (you wont lead me down)
You won’t lead me down that dead end road

But to teach children that it is a fact that there is one god
That is child abuse
it is certainly elitist what is wrong with an elitist
Fairies and the flying spaghetti monster etc. etc. etc.
The more educated you are the more likely you are to be an atheist

Feeling my mind
Growing up and reaching into the sky
Sheltered from this everlasting truth that I now
See

I used to be a monkey (yeah)
I came down from the trees
And I learned to play heavy metal
Silly little monkeys know that they were born to thrash

Along our evolutionary journey we present a more primitive form of metal…
Genus and phylum: Thrashicus afarensicus
Known to get really wasted on Natural Light and cut off their jeans into shorts
These early homo sapiens play fast, live hard, and die young
BUT THEY WERE BORN TO…

THRASH!!
BORN TO THRASH!!
DRINK NATTY LIGHT!!!
BORN TO THRASH
DRINK NATTY…DRINK NATTY LIGHT!!!!!

GO!!!

The emergence of Dimebag Darrel changed metal forever
Hey Dimebag can you do one of those squeely things????
Sure thing little buddy

The Global Warming Extravaganza Commands you to take drugs!!!
sliding down the snow while sitting on a log the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
Don’t take drugs and listen to Phish it will stunt your evolution!!!
sliding down the snow while sitting on a log the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
The Bass Player of Phish Rapes little girls in back alleys!!!
sliding down the snow while sitting on a log the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

You can’t believe what you’ve read
You can’t believe what’s been told to you
Forever and ever and ever and ever again
You can’t believe what’s been sold to you
Forever and ever and ever with him in Heaven

You know that Jesus would
Want you to
Take mushrooms
And Evolve
Into Him
A Shaman of the Meats
Bring the Funk
To my Motherfucking feet (x2)

Sometimes things go horribly wrong in evolution and extremely violent species develop
The drugs made Hitler Go Crazy….

Yon ton rape-a-lation
Of the insane population
Yon ton rape-a-lation yoooooo
Breeding the purest of race
To preserve this Arian Nation
Yon ton rape-a-lation yoooooo
Breeding the purest of race
To preserve this Arian Nation YOOOOOO

Do you believe?
We came from nothing?
Do you believe?
That we came from nothing?
Do you believe? (It was written in the stars)
That We Came From nothing (That we would become Gods)
Do you believe?
That we came from Nothing?

Moment of enlightenment

Good evening ladies and gentlemen it is time for the Secret News…..

Here it is the Secret News:

All people are afraid
No one knows what they’re doing
And everything is always getting worse
Some people deserve to die
Your money is worthless
And no one is properly rehearsed
Remember at least one of your children will disappoint you
The system is rigged
So your house will never be completely clean
Teachers are very incompetent
and remember…
There are people who dislike you because you’re a faggot
Nothing is good, as it seems
And things don’t last
No one is paying attention to you
And the country is dying
But remember….
God doesn’t care

Your god is selfish pitiful coward
Nothing like my god
Allah!!!
My god is #1
His foreskin can devour the sun

Pray to Allah and Muhammad and to Jihad
Kill the Infidel with a Koran
For Allah

We live in a Jihad
Jihad!!!
Enter into paradise with fire!!!
From a Jihad
Jihad!!!

So in the end the Muslim race shall prevail
Thy are the most relentless and they have the most knives
Masterful in their sorcery and wisdom
But what does the prophet Muhammad look like
I shall describe him to you as I met him on the field of battle
And so it begins…
Muhammad is about 5’8
220 pounds soaking wet
He has the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen on a male or female
His overgrown scrotum acts as a marsupial pouch
Where he can shield himself from the hot desert sun
and Allah likes it too….

Take a look around and you will find the answer it is right under your little nose
Please utilize your puny brain