Tim Tebow is a False Prophet

from by The Global Warming Extravaganza

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Tim Tebow is a False Prophet:

He wakes up with the spirit inside. Run and tell Jesus, I'm not afraid to hide. (x2)
I'm Tim Tebow...don't you wanna see me blow...a guy.
(It's really easy to blow a guy when he's hanging on a cross...look, no hands!)
Run and tell Jesus, I'm not afraid to die. I believe in everlasting life.
Run and tell Jesus, I'm not afraid to die. Because I believe in everlasting life.

Bless me father for I have sinned.
It's been 15 minutes since my last confession.
Please fuck me father for I have sinned.
Bend me right over and I'll let you in.

The priest looked at me and said "Thou shall cum!" (Thou shall cum)
Oh my sweet little Tebow...Thou shall cum! (Yaaaaaaa)
As he wiped me off his chin...Thou shall cum! (Thou shall cum)
Do not worry my son. This happens to everyone.

Tim Tebow - Will promise you - He'll work hard - And he'll never stop (stop)
Predicts the future - With magic stones - He's Tim Tebow - A psychic superhero

Gather round uncle Gator's lap and he's gonna tell you your favorite Tim Tebow story, about when he broke up the international foreskin trade (foreskin?) One fine morning a thunderous voice appeared to him from above. He told Tebow about the uh, magical strength and super human powers he could gain...by simply ingesting foreskin. And since there's such a shortage, he commanded him to travel deep into the Phillipines using only his magic stones (magic stones). So Tim Tebow naturally uh, picked up his magic stones...gazed deeply into them (ZOOOOOOOO) And then, appeared a knee board with no boat, that Tim Tebow hopped on to and propelled only by his lust for foreskin and unimaginable human strength. Uh, made it all the way to the Phillipines in a matter of a couple hours. Upon his arrival in the Phillipines, he looked around at all the potential around him (full potential) knowing he could achieve feats of strength never before tasted by a human (or a gator). So in order to infiltrate uh, getting in there and getting the foreskins, he cleverly disguised himself as a white doctor (As we all would). Under his cloak of whiteness, he was able to extract many a foreskin (Zoo?). Like any proud hunter, he looked upon his bounty with great glee. But, also concern about what he'd do with all the foreskin he's extracted. So once again, he was forced to turn to his magic stones (ZOOOOOOOOOO). The voice appeared to him again (GAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Tim Tebow...you remember that time you scored fa fa fa fa fa forty seven touchdowns? You were a local hero to all the ACR's. Please keep doin what ya doin Tim Tebow. Make your holy journey. Go to Isreal. Rebuild the temple. Bring forth the apocalypse. And don't forget your magic stones. You'll need them if you want to survive (survive, survive)

Tebow is a false prophet.
Tebow's a false prophet.
He fingered Brandon Spikes.
He will rebuild the temple.
With his magic stones.
And he will reign down terror with a thousand fucking angels to kill us all.

By swords of fire! (By swords of fire)

Utlilizing full foreskin power! (YAWWWWWWWWWWW)
I will be your God now, follow me.
Mount with me upon my mighty steed.
And we'll go forth and smash the mighty army of BabyLON.
All shall kneel before me and give me gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and weeeeeeed

15 minutes to evacuate planet Earth.
Tim Tebow is a jealous God...
(Gooble Gobble Gooble Gobble - We Love Tebow - Gooble Gobble)
(Tebow is our God and his number is 15)

Tim Tebow - For your amusement!
Great leader Tebow...Leader of Tebow Planet, shining beacon of Tebow Galaxy.
For your amusement...the trained band of your Kazoo playing followers.
For your amusement! (For your amusement...we are here...for your...gaaaaa)

Tebow is pleased! MYAHHHHHHHHHHH

So now you know the story of Tim Tebow and his magic stones.
You know option quarterbacks never win in the Pros,
they'll never get ya fuckin super bowl, I know.
And that's fa sho.

That Tim Tebow's a false prophet.
And he caused the apocalypse.


from Debaucherous Adventure, released March 8, 2011



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